Race/Ethnicity: ____________

I hate filling that blank - or worse picking a label from a list. Always have and probably always will. When filling forms I usually leave it blank or chose "Prefer Not to Answer." When that option isn't available and I am told I must answer I tend to become quite ornery.  I distinctly remember giving elementary school teachers headaches with my protest. "But I'm not African - American," I would complain. "I'm not even American!"

Many years and many forms later, I can finally articulate what bothered me about that question. I don't like to be boxed in. I don't want to be part of the statistics of how well or poorly x percent of black/ African - American / [insert vogue term used by the majority to Other minorities] perform on standardized tests. I don't want to be admitted to an institution so they can meet their quota or use me as their token. I had no interest in "reclaiming" a label originally used to marginalize me.

So, when faced with the same quandary as I  created a profile on a dating website (You don't want to know... Well, maybe you do but I'm not telling :P ) I reacted as I always did: I left it blank. The choices were ridiculously limited anyhow and I didn't want to be filtered out any results if someone happened to refine their search by race.

Cue the paranoid insecure little girl inside my head. Among many other doubts I began having, I also was reconsidering my decision. Just because I am comfortable with interracial relationship doesn't  the other person is. Though I rarely came across a profile that listed a particular race/ethnicity in the "What I look for in a partner" section it is likely the omission is due to a sense of political correctness. (One guy did include ethnicity in his laundry list of qualities a partner must have. He self-identified as Caucasian but was looking for "non-Caucasian women; preferably Middle Eastern or South Asian." It's not my place to judge but take from that what you will.) This is not a post-racist world.

I took the advice of my inner worrywart and of a close friend and added race to my profile. I am now listed under "black" - whatever that means. To be perfectly honest, I don't want any surprises and I don't want to be a surprise.  Besides, if someone is filtering their results by race, I probably don't want them to find me anyway.

Nicki BluIs

I always try to make sure my online presence portrays exactly the image I want it to and thus I google myself on a regular basis. The latest time, though, I took it one step further. I googled the penname that I use on many websites. What I found was not shocking. There was nothing of which I was particularly ashamed. In fact I am quite proud of some of the pieces of fiction that are attached to that psuedonym.

But still, in my hyper-sensitive, workforce oriented frenzy, I began to wonder: What if potential employers found these things and linked them back to me? What if they weren't impressed with my poetry? What if they thought my writing was crude and distasteful? What if... they thought this was enough to disqualify me for a position?

I broke all ties with that penname. Every link that could connect "Leonicka Valcius" to "Nicki BluIs" was deleted. With that I breathed a sigh of relief and thought myself safe.

Then the pesky voice of doubt came back. Did I do the right thing? Should I hide such a major part of who I am? Do I want to work at a company that would discount a person's qualification over a trivial nonissue? Was I engaging in self-censorship?

We are living in an age where all our lives are open books. The lines between public and private are blurred beyond recognition. The places where we can "be ourselves" are getting smaller and smaller until we spend every other moment holding our tongues and looking over our shoulders because Big Brother is watching.

And what does he see? He sees that I am nineteen years old. That I am working very hard to forge my own path. He sees that I like to express my hopes, my dreams, and my feelings via the written word. He acknowledges that not all those words are polished and professional. Some are silly. Some are strange. Some are rude and defy the rules of etiquette and political correctness. But all are real. And none are out of the ordinary.

So I proudly present Nicki BluIs! Love her or hate her, she is here to stay.

New Things

I don't like 'em. New things, I mean. Why fix it if it ain't broke? Why get a new one if the old one works fine? These are words of wisdom folks, words to live by!

After I got the "Internet Explorer is not responding" message for the umpteenth time, I decided to take a big step and download Firefox. I know. I'm a rebel. :) So I click all the "accept" and "agree" and "install" and "run program" buttons and voila! I had a brand new, spic and span browser!

It was so pretty. It was sleek and modern and just felt right. At this point I am very proud of myself and my leap of faith. I went and told all my friends the good new (instant messaging rocks) and they welcomed me into the 21st century.

And then I tried to open a new tab. I had to go all the way to the file tab, and hit new tab. Huh. What a letdown. But when the resulting tab was so wonderful I let that little misstep go. Until I tried to access my bookmarks. I had been starring websites left and right but I couldn't find the list. I had to actually go to the bookmark tab hit "most visited" and choose from the drop down list. Ugh. What a drag. But the drop down menu was so efficient and well organized that I couldn't help but smile.

The smile quikly turned to a frown when I tried to watch a YouTube video. Oh injustice of all injustces! Firefox dared declare that my Flash Player or Adobe or Acrobat or whatever the young whippersnappers are calling it these days was outdated. So I followed the link to update. I updated the software three times and still I was slighted in my quest to watch silly videos!

Now there is probably a logical reason behind all of this. I do not pretend to know very much about technolgy or the interenet so it is very likely that a more astute person would have been able to fix it in two clicks of the mouse. But why would I go through all that trouble when good old Internet Explorer was waiting for me faithfully with a fully functional YouTube? That's right. I wouldn't.

So I'm back to IE and its ubiquitous bouts of non-responsiveness. And I have no intention of trying something new.

Re: Yay Internet!

I just saw this while browsing and it made me laugh. This is exactly what I was talking about in my previous post. I must admit, I’m a “citizen” of at least three of those “countries.” LOL Enjoy!
www.xkcd.com/256

Yay Internet!

This is my first post since I moved from South Florida to the Greater Toronto Area. (Honestly it’s my first post in quite awhile but that’s not the point.) I have so much to write about: the ordeal and culture shock of such a big move (Canadians really do say “eh”!), the implications of Barack Obama winning the Democratic nomination (¡Sí, se puede!), and the failure of U.S. immigration policy (Because deep down inside we all know the Mexican are not invading as Lou Dobbs would have us believe.). But all that is on that back burner. Tonight, I’d like to write about my new love affair with the Internet.

Yes, I, who clung to pen and paper like baby koalas cling to their mothers, am now the Internet’s number 1 fan. I know what you’re thinking: What took so long? I guess it can be attributed to various reasons. The major one is what is usually called (in media circles) the “digital divide.” Basically, it’s the dichotomy between those who use the Internet and those who don’t. I was formally staunchly place in the column. For me the Internet was a chore and tool – to be used only if a malicious teacher assigned a heinous research project. Also, I only had restricted access to the Internet. The only computer that had Internet access at my house was in my parents’ bedroom. I could only go online when it was convenient for them to be standing over my shoulder. You know that fable about the fox who, try as he may, couldn’t reach the grapes and subsequently decided they must be sour? Yeah. I was the fox. And the Internet was sour grapes.

So why the big change? Well, college happened. Laptops happened. Moving happened. All of these things in some way helped my inch toward the Internet. First, my so called “best friends” decided to abandon me to go pursue “higher education.” Yeah. Whatever. We tried calling each other, but when we each got our respective phone bills, the daily phone calls were cut short. This created a need for an alternate form of communication. Then my mother, as a graduation gift got me a laptop. My friends got so excited, thinking I would join them in the 21st century. But it didn’t happen. See the laptop came with strings. There was no wireless internet at my house rendering the laptop useless unless I was on campus or in library – which ultimately perpetuated my view of Internet as a chore and a tool (see above).

The final push over the edge came this summer after the aforementioned move. I now have wireless internet (yay me!) but my friends are exponentially further than they were before. Enter AIM. So simple. So powerful. In the three weeks since I’ve moved I’ve talked to my friends more often than in the 10 years that I’ve known them. The thousands of miles melt away the instant you receive the message. (Please forgive the pun. It will never happen again.) This completely redefines relationships. Friendships used to be shattered by the words, “I’m moving.” The “long – distance” relationship used to be the anathema of dating. But now the distances aren’t so long and the move is never that far away. The world has been shrunk to size of your buddy list and perhaps we’re better for it.